"It's not someone who's seen the light. It's a cold and a broken Hallelujah." -- Leonard Cohen

...part of "We are responsible."

I've wanted to blog about Fri. Night hockey for a long time. I've considered the theme of hypocrisy (although that's probably too harsh a word): the way in which we are all prone to complain about what our teammates are doing on the ice and then go out and do the same things. But maybe some other time....

Instead, I want to say how I'm impressed that one of us did something last week that was overdue.

"Bob" (not his real name) often "swears at" and threatens other players, even his eammates, when they screw up. No one in charge of the ice-time has spoken to Bob about this --AS FAR AS I KNOW. This last phrase is important, but the behaviour continues, even if it has been addressed.

Sometimes I have replied (on the ice, where I can skate away, if he gets angrier) just to state that my screwup was not intentional (d'uh!). But I've never addressed his *manner* of reacting to my mistakes.

But last week "Tom" (not quite his real name) received this treatment. So, on the bench, he took off his helmet and told Bob that he didn't appreciate being spoken to that way. I don't think Bob acknowledged him, but he did kinda back off.
("Tom" can correct me if he wishes.)

It got me thinking about our corporate responsibility:

Obviously, Bob has a role to play in deciding how he will speak and we might want to say that his manner is "unacceptable" -- but we DO accept it -- over and over again.
(As far as I know) the authorities (such as they are) don't address it and the rest of
us just skate away (but grumble & laugh in the coffee shop in his absence) or sometimes
we even answer back the same way. It's "able-to-be-accepted", therefore, acceptable.
So we are part of the problem!! He decides to threaten; we decide to tell him (by silence) that his threats are okay.

Now, the lines of authority in pick-up hockey are nebulous compared with churches, jobs &/or ministries. As well, hockey culture (changing?) tends to allow a wider margin of acceptability re. certain actions & language, some of which are even illegal elsewhere.
Threatening to "knock my head off" is assault; doing it is assault and battery. Well, actually, I guess it'd be murder!

But in jobs etc. the bosses actually have an obligation to clarify and uphold their expectations. So Tom, as a peer, didn't act as an authority and assess Bob's behaviour as unacceptable generally. He spoke only for himself, that *he* does not accept it. We'll see what Bob does with what might be new knowledge to him.

Bob is certainly not the only one who swears & threatens. Anecdotally, it seems that he just does so more often (but that might not actually be true).He probably isn't especially *proud* of it, but likely thinks it's no big deal, water-under-the-bridge ('til next time).

Aren't we all (including me) prone to minimize our own rudeness and to notice more the offenses against us? We may even feel some guilt, but the next time we see our victim, he seems (seems!) fine and so we move on. I have no easy answers, because in situations like friendships and FN Hockey that can be the best way to react at times.

But sometimes simply stating our feelings is necessary, as Tom did.
Way to go, Tom! Tom is a great guy!