"It's not someone who's seen the light. It's a cold and a broken Hallelujah." -- Leonard Cohen

People keep asking me how I am doing (re. my Dad's death) and I say "Fine" and (as far as I can tell) it's true.

I am struck by how much more devastated I was by my being voted off the Island.

So far I haven't really cried aloud or felt an aching inner pain for days on end, which I did in the other circumstance.

So is there something wrong with me?

I do realize that two practical factors account for it so far:
1) My Dad's death was expected, but the other came as a brutal shock in contradiction to what I had been told.

We had been told that my Dad would not last longer than a few weeks. And in fact the nurse kept saying he had a "funny feeling" that that night would be the night. One sign was that his ears were lying flat. Have you ever heard of that before?

2) At this point in my life, my relationship with my Dad wasn't really a very day-to-day sort of thing. The other was my passion and (especially in the Summer) consumed most of my time. So maybe I should have been similarly devoted to my family relationships, but how many of us really are?

Anyway I keep telling people that in my Mum's case she is kept busy with the activities of sorting out aftermath arrangements (banking etc.) and in a while (perhaps c. my Dad's bday on June 21), life will settle down and reality will hit.